I’m just going to say it. I think it is harder to be a parent today than it was in the past. Hear me out, because not very long ago, I was one of those people arguing that times have always been hard, that each generation has had their challenges, that things really aren’t so different now than they use to be. Recently, though, I’ve changed my mind, and I’ll tell you why. It’s not because of the state of the economy or the price of eggs, or even the internet or world events. It’s because of the Gearhead phenomenon.
There is a small outfitter store in my local mall called Gearhead. It use to sell a variety of products in a relatively small space. Recently, they opened a “superstore” across the highway, with 20,000 square feet of every brand, item, clothing, boot, tent and MRE you could possibly imagine, let alone need, and they turned the small store in the mall in to a Patagonia concept store. Now the original store sells just a few different brands of shoes and Patagonia gear. That’s it. And I love that little store. Not just because I like Patagonia (which I do, that is a story for another time), but because it isn’t overwhelming. It’s manageable. There are a few of each item in a limited number of colors and styles. If I go in there looking for something, I usually find it; and if I go in just to browse, I enjoy my experience. Despite having a larger selection, or honestly partly because of the larger selection, I generally dislike visiting the superstore, with its 400 different performance clothing brands and 80 types of backpacks to choose from. When I walk in there, it is so overwhelming with so many choices that usually I just turn around and walk out without buying anything at all. I think parents today are subject to that same overwhelm.
I love being a pediatrician, and as part of my work I frequently get to take care of newborns and their families. I am talking babies from just a few days old, all the way through their first foods and their first birthdays, and, beyond. What I have seen over my years in pediatrics, is parents are just less sure of themselves now. They feel the responsibility or the expectation or the guilt of having to read every possible opinion and source in order to decide what is best for their baby. It’s like EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON EARTH is trying to tell these parents what to do, and they have no idea who to listen to or how to process all of the conflicting information.
When I had my daughter 20 years ago, the people giving me advice were my mother, occasionally my mother-in-law, and all of the old ladies at church, and that was enough to make me confused if not outright crazy at times. Now parents are contending with their parents and in-laws, the 24 hour news cycle, Tik-Tok, Miss Rachel, the opinions of total strangers, childless people judging them online, trad wives, and the constantly changing recommendations of the federal government. The biggest food choice I had to make for my daughter was whether I was going to make all of my own baby food or buy Gerber. Parents are now trying to understand baby led weaning, allergen introduction, processed food research, and agonizing over whether their baby’s first food should be avocado or beef tallow. All while they have been recalled to an in-person job in a new location across the country or sometimes across the world from the only real support system they have ever known, often while both parents are working full time.
I don’t just see this struggle with first time parents, either. I see a total overwhelm regarding options and decisions and information overload hitting even my experienced parents. I have cared for families with completely healthy, fully vaccinated older children who are now second guessing their own judgement on everything for their newborn, including vaccines. Or i see parents with older children, all of whom are healthy and eat varied diets without serious allergies, who are paralyzed regarding new food introduction for their infant, fearing everything from celiac disease to milk allergy to anaphylaxis. And I get it. In a world where every piece of information and opinion is at your finger tips and bombarding your eyeballs whether you are looking for it or not, the expectation seems to be that parents do all of their own “research” and come up with each and every decision from scratch while listening to a dizzying number of non-experts, nay-sayers and just plain loonies. That’s not even including the sites that are intentionally misleading or only looking for clicks or subscriptions. It’s just too much. The result is exactly what we know happens, it’s human nature. We choose nothing; we do nothing.
So, yes, I believe it is harder to be a parent now than ever before. This is what it is like to be a parent today. It’s okay to feel like everyone has an opinion, because they do. It’s okay to feel like you have no idea what you are doing. We are all just figuring it out; it is, in fact, everyone’s first rodeo. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, that doesn’t have to mean you ARE overwhelmed. Seeing the irony in this as a stranger on the internet, do you know my biggest recommendation for new parents? Trust yourself, do what you can, and just take it one step at a time. I know that sounds like a giant cliche cop-out, but it honestly applies. Just try one new food. Then we will pick the next one. Just look at their very first set of vaccines, not every vaccine they could possibly receive in their lifetime, and decide, “Do I want any of these? Am I comfortable with one?”. Ask yourselves, “Who is one person I trust and has always given me good advice?”, and just ask that person. You don’t have to walk in to the Gearhead superstore of parental options and opinions. Just stick with the concept store and make a couple of strong starter decisions. It gets easier from there, I promise.
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